About Me

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Hi. Welcome to my "taboo" blog. My name is Steph, and when I first started this, I was still in my thirties. In 2017, I switch decades! I am a Christian, so underlying everything I do and say is the Word of God, and the foundational truths I have learnt over the years. This doesn't mean I'm perfect - I am human. It just means I recognise I need God's help to live this life and try to live out His way, as best I can. So that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for taking the time to read through my blog, I hope you draw strength, hope or encouragement from what you read.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Rejoice With Those Who Rejoice

The other day I had a "text" conversation with a friend of mine... She had been apprehensive about it, because she wasn't sure how I would take her news. She and her hubby are expecting their first baby in the summer.

I was so excited for them, the joy of their family extending was as bright as the sun in the sky had been that day, and if I'd not read the message while I was at work I'd have literally broken out into a spontaneous random dance!! 

She had been worried about saying anything to me because she knows the struggle I am having in my own journey for Bubba, the second friend to have been apprehensive about sharing their excitement, which kinda concerns me. While at the same time the sense of love and appreciation for the friendship we have has deepened at the sensitivity they have extended towards me.

My frustration can never, and will never be at the joy of friends who have started their family. There's nothing more beautiful then watching friends who have walked through life with you, from singledom into marriage and beyond. This is exactly as God intended it, and I am honoured to be a part of any friend's lives at every stage. If I ever become so consumed in my own grief and struggle, then what is the point of me reading (or teaching on) verses like,
Romans 12:15 (NKJ) Rejoice with those who rejoice...
My frustration is, and always has been, at the injustice of those women who don't care of they have a baby or not, using their child as a tool to bargain with an ex, or who just fob-off their child with anyone who will have him or her. You know the kind of woman. She's often found on Jeremy Kyle waiting the results of the DNA test to let her know which of the two... three.. five... more options of blokes she slept with will be the father of this child. 

The way I see it, this was not God's design for family, and not His plan or purpose when He created each baby in his or her mother's womb. God's design is that a man should leave his parents, joined together to his wife, with whom the next generation could be lovingly conceived. Call me a naive romantic, but this is what fills my heart with joy.

So for each of my friends who reads this, and worries about telling me when God grants them the desire to become parents, please don't. I will genuinely be able to rejoice with you, and won't be saddened by what I am going through. To be honest... I can't wait to lean from you in your journey, or to meet your gorgeous child, when he or she is ready to face the world. 

Father God, thank You for the gift of parenthood, the gift of new life being developed in the bodies of women around the world... but especially in the bodies of those I know and love. I pray, Father God, that You will watch over mother and her bubba, and develop the bond between them, and between the hubby as they watch over their wives and developing child. And may You, Lord God, be the strength for every woman carrying the gift of their child, and may You Lord God, be the greatest gift the child will ever receive in their lifetime. May the child grow in spiritual strength to become all that You have purposed for such a time as this. May he or she have a deeper understanding of who You are than either parents do. In Jesus I pray.  

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Insensitive Opinions Rant

One of the things which I keep hearing being said more and more frequently recently, is really rather annoying, and incredibly insensitive. 

There seems to be this "thing" going round Christian circles at the moment, which states that Christians who struggle to have their own children, should just adopt, because there are so many children out there who have been orphaned or neglected, and it would be the perfect way for couples who can't have a child to feel the reward of being a parent.

Needlesstosay that most of the people who have said this (either to me directly, or within earshot) are parents. I.e. they have their child and so cannot possibly add to their family by taking in an orphaned child, but the "perfect" cure to the problem is for couples who can't have children to "step up to the Christian duty". 

Oh really!

Because you parents are obviously aware that it is so easy to deal with the pain of not being able to have a child, by looking after someone else's child! Of course! Silly me!

Oh, and thank you for adding to the guilt that women like me, who are desperately TTC but can't, already feel when we cannot give our husbands the blessing of a child. Our own child. Conceived in love. Conceived between the two of us. So I now have to contend with the guilt of being a "bad Christian" because I haven't reached the place where I am fully ready to let go of my dream to hold my own baby in my arms, and bring into my life, or my home, a child who has been given up for adoption, for one reason or another. 


Is this now my fault as well!

Adoption is not solely the responsibility of the Christian couple who cannot conceive. In my humble opinion, adoption shouldn't be used as a "cure" for the pain a woman feels at not being able to have her own baby. A child is a precious gift from God, not a tool for us to use for whatever reason. 

In my humble opinion, adoption should be considered as and when any couple is ready to discuss or consider the potential of welcoming a child into your family. On its own merits. Not as one of the "tried and tested" methods ("get a dog / a cat / adopt or foster a child and you'll be so relaxed you'll conceive in no time"... yes, people do say that kind of thing!!!) of how other couples who couldn't have a baby, ended up having a baby!

For where I am at, in my Journey for Bubba, the idea of adoption isn't one I am yet ready to thin about. It hurts too much to think I won't have my own child. That doesn't make me a bad Christian, or a selfish Christian, or an unworthy Christian, It makes me human, and one who is walking day-by-day in the arms of my Heavenly Saviour Who has promised He won't let go of me, no matter how tough it gets. He doesn't condemn me... so why should anyone else's opinion attempt to condemn me. 

Rant over!